*missing u* ^_^

28 November 2010____at my desk..

Juz couple of days more to December.. haaish..makin lame makin cepat mase berlalu.. this year felt so fast..pejam celik pejam celik da akhir tahun..December... da nak masuk new year balik da...N ketakutan n nervousness makin galak melanda.. fuh~~~

need courage and a strong & hard heart to overcome january n so on...
because next year will be the most important year in my life for now.. because too many events will be held.. ermm.. im afraid of what will happen in next year..
im striving..hoping..working hard for i want to achieve on 2011.. kita hanye bole usaha tapi semua ketentuan hanye Dia- The Al-Might y tentukan...
usaha n tawakkal adalah seiringan... tanpa usaha tawakkal adalah mgkin akan jadi sia2...bile lost kembalilah kita kepada-Nya...

actually da lame tak menuis ni.. rindoo da nk engarang cite.. hahaa~~~
im used to being used.. paham..? tak paham..? tak perlulah susah payah nk paham.. ahahha... n this entry might be the last entry for this month.. what happened this month..? im not sure enough.. what im remembered is i got my last long holiday and came back home.. wat an escapes.. nice view n nice being at home.. at home everything were perfect for me... so damn perfect.. but everything not as we planned.. few days later..im back at this horrible college..very horrible n stupid college.. i hate being here.. makin lame makin menyampah... huh..!!!

but what to do.. i have to be here...its a must for us.. need patience for the next few months je.. after that im outta here... yes..!! cant wait for that.. BUT... there is a big obstacle in front of me.. not obstacle actually..just cabaran that i need to pass first..which is my PRO exam aka my final exam... huhuu~~ takoot~~ 0_o
i need to pas this.. enough laa ngn ape y da belaku a few years back.. im stronger now maybe.. takde masalah mental lg da... hehee~~ if i want to list down for next year,there are too much of it.. so better i keep it for now.. haha...

the one thing that touch my heart for the past few months was...nowadays people in my batch o at my age are getting married and engaged...!! sgt ramai kot.. sampaikan i terasa sgt.. everytime i opened my page there are invitations to their ceremony o reception.. huhuu~~ im happy for them because their jodoh da sampai.. for me.. skrg ni sgt gatal nk mengedik kot.. ahahhaa~~~ sory laa.. thats me.. but im not ready for any commitment just wanna try out some new relationship..but..my heart was heartless for now.. cant even try to soften it.. because later i will feel angry.. and hatred.. i dunt what will happen to me.. dunt know what in front of me.. i trying soo much.. im working soo hard to get what i wanted.. but at the end...... its worthless when it comes to feeling n relationship... im trying so hard that i dunt even think bout mine...all i wanted is what i want in my life... i pray to God that someday i will meet with my prince charming the one that im adore and waiting for.. please God..bantulah hambamu ni dalam kehidupan sehariannya.. amin~~~
Ya Allah, bantula seluruh umat islam y dalam kesusahan....permudahkanlah segala urusan kami ya Allah.. amin~~~

love,
enna.. miss her love ones...

..past tense...

what should i say...?! what should i write here...?
hurrmm..... days passed by.. week by week.. days by days.. hours by hours.. minutes by minutes.. n seconds by seconds... nothing has change so far.. hurmm... all i need to do is wating. n waiting... penantian itu satu penyeksaan la... till when do i need to wait..? when...? errmm... all i can say is.. say nothing.. if not u will be the one who hurt the most... i terima keadaan ni... =(

i realized that this will happen... i know that this is going to end n i know how it end for me.. as usual.. u know it.. kinda like what u r expected laa...
one day u now him very well.. but one day u will lost him... like u never know him.. and then ur relationship will kabooom...!! dead end... this wat will happen.. i know.. all the guys are the same.. even they say they are not.. but thats the truth.. if ade guy yang tak macam tu.. sila la bawak jumpa saya.. i wanna know him.. n lets see wat will happens.. hahahaa.. if u wanna know.. lets roll down.................
ju
once upon a time...
i know a man.. a guy.. oh nops... 2 guys.. at the same time because of our same interest... what interest..? biarlaa rahsia....
they are so amazing in treating gurl.. immature girl i guess... hahaha... coz i know im not mature enough to be in this circle... hahahaa...
wat eva pon i am happy bcoz i knew them juz for a short while...

we started to get to know each other.. brief meeting.. n perkenalan y singkat.. time by time... we started to get together.. we played together... lepaking same2.. makan2 same2.. its juz right that time.. and it just a happy hour... but someone did not like it... n i had to bear with it.. because i think he juz felt insecure...
whoever know me very well can tell that im a loyal person... they juz ignore that fact.. what can i do if they cannot believe in me n its very sad if u urself cannot believe urself.. pity laa.... ok..back to the story.........

one point.. we travel together...to east cost.. thats all i can tell.. hahaa...
yeah.. it was a great memory.. great travelling... n great friendship though...
because that trip... the greatest memory carved in my tiny blackbox.. hehhee~~~
i will never forget these....

then.. in every relationship..there must be always lemon taste.. hahaa.. yeah.. thats it.. but we barely can through it.. n im stuck in the middle.... i juz keep silence.. coz i dunno how to solve.. hahhaa.. jahatnyee... tak tolong langsung.. tapi ape boley buat.. its the fact... sorry for everything....

actually...i am close to one of them... He.. how i wanted to describe him eh... hurmmm.... he's tall...not so thin.. hahaa... hakikatnye lelaki sume tinggi laa.. hahaha... fair skin..average weight.. n pretty good looking.. but he's not malay...
when ever im in doubt.. or when im in misery.. he will be my side. when im down.. even when im crying... im crying in front of him... embarrassing moments.. ahhahaa... but, he did not anything.. im pleased juz he was by my side.. he listened..he tried at least..im happy by him doing that je.. hehee~~ everything about him i know.. i even went to his house.. not to forget to both their's houses.. hahahaa.. 3 of us juz like belangkas da kot.. hahahah...
one nit.. he told me that he like me.. that time.. yep i hav the same feeling.. i liked him.. juz as a fren...yeke..? ahhaa... only God knew that... but we had decided that we will remain as frens... till the day we apart.. till now.. im not sure wat happened between us three...only God knows.... i cant tell more from this.. because i dunno... how it will ends.. as what i know.. we juz torn apart.. like now what ive been through... sorry...............!!
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P/S: my rojak english.. o is this english anyway.. hahahaha...sorry~~
..this is juz a story.. not involving the living and the dead.. I,he,them.. were not true. this is juz too good to bee true... peace no war...!!!

hav a good day u olls...

love...
enna "heartless"